Today started out as any other, and it is not even over yet, but I am lying on the couch wondering whether or not I am going to puke up the pizza I had for breakfast. You see, pizza for breakfast is a grand thing. Unless you’re going biking.
Even though I knew I was going biking, I still ate it because protein, why not? It will give me a ton of energy for exercising.
The first fifteen minutes of the ride were pretty okay. Until I started reaching the hills on the trail I was riding and then had to dismount and walk through a tunnel (it’s literally a rule there, “dismount bicycles before entering tunnel”). When I was out of the tunnel, I decided it was a good idea to get back on the bike right away and ride up a hill.
BAD IDEA… AGAIN.
I finished riding the section of the trail I was on. It was closed about three miles in at a major intersection for god knows what reason. Then I started riding back. That was when the feeling of pure, utter crappiness started setting in. The feeling that maybe I should have had a better breakfast or maybe none at all!
Now, I have never been one for much exercise, but this ride defeated me. Hence, the reason I am lying on my couch now, feeling like I am going to barf. That does not include how many times I had to stop on the way back because I was PRETTY SURE I was going to see that pizza again.
I went through the five basic stages of bike riding grief.
1. Denial – I did not really eat that pizza before going on a bike ride, did I?
2. Anger- I freaking did eat the pizza. This is all the pizza’s fault that I feel like this.
3. Bargaining- Maybe, just maybe, if I had not eaten the pizza I would not feel the need to stop and I could keep going.
4. Depression – Ooooh whhhyyyyyyy did I eat that pizza? This is terrible. Everything is terrible.
5. Acceptance – I am going to puke. I am going to puke and then I am going to die. Someone is going to find my body on the trail. This is how it ends.
I obviously made it home after stopping like four different times to rest and lay on the side of the trail because I obviously do not understand the limits of my own body.
You ever have an idea that seems good at the time and then later on it proves to have been absolutely awful, but there is nothing you can do about it? Yes, this would be one of those ideas.
I am home. I am safe. Feeling pretty stupid. I am also bleeding. Lovely. Why am I bleeding??
That is my excitement for the day. Now on to do other productive things!